"Remember Who You Are"

In the April 2008 Ensign I read an article that really touched me. I can relate to the girl in the story. It is called "Remember Who You Are" (April 2008 Ensign, pg. 44). She tells how her mother use to always say "remember who you are", ever time she'd leave the house. The girl didn't completely understand what her mother meant at first. She explains that although her family were members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, life wasn't always pleasant. She tells of one particularly bad night she had. She remembered staring at herself in the mirror and hardly recognizing herself. She began to cry, "not knowing what to do or think". She thought about running away or worse. Thoughts of ending her unhappy life crept into her confused thought process. She says "At no other time before or since have I felt so alone. I felt worn out, almost willing to let the surrounding darkness take over." She found herself saying the words "I don't even know myself!". As soon as those words tumble from her lips, her mother's words "Remember who you are! Remember who you are!" repeated clearly and distinctly in her mind.

Being a member of the church does not guarantee a perfect, sunny life. Sometimes I wonder if Satan works harder to tempt and frustrate righteous members of the church who are sincerely doing their best to obey the commandments and follow Christ. I too grew up as a member of the church. Growing up IN the church, to me, is different than growing up as a member of the church. (I will write a post about this another time) My family life wasn't horrible, but things were difficult growing up.

Let me just say right now that this post is in no way an attack on my parents, their weaknesses, or the way that I was raised. I admire my parents for so many things. They did what they felt was right at the time and did the best they knew how to do. I am grateful for the experiences, good and bad, that they gave me. I am the woman I am today because of what I was able to learn from those experiences.

When I was growing up my father was verbally, emotionally and physically abusive toward me. He had a bad temper and I never knew when or what would make him explode. I remember being confused going to church every Sunday and learning about happy families and "parents kind and dear", then going home and being yelled at and slammed against a wall repeatedly. I really related to the girl in this article when she described her feeling of loneliness. There were times when I felt really alone. I didn't know who I could trust. I remember being on my knees or laying in bed at night crying uncontrollably, pleading with my Heavenly Father to let me die or to help me in some way. There were many times when Satan would whisper awful things into my mind, about how I deserved how I was treated, that I worthless. There were many times that I thought of taking my own life. I had some very dark moments. As I would plead with my Heavenly Father for something, anything that could help me, I would feel warmth and peace. The feelings of loneliness would leave and I was able to go on, even if it was just for one more day.

The moment of realizing what the girl's mother's words mean was enlightening for her. For the first time, she had realized what her mother meant. It was her plea for her daughter to remember her divine heritage. The phrase "I am a child of God" from the Primary song (Hymns, no. 301) echoed in her mind. It was a sudden reminder that helped her to fight back Satan's temptation to take drastic action. The knowledge of her divine nature helped her to keep going and endure to the end.

Growing up as a member of the church was such a blessing to me, even though it also brought confusion. I always felt safe at church. The church created a consistency and source for a solid foundation. People in the church became a great strength to me. There were many people whom I consider angels (of sorts) and true answer to prayer. The testimony I received as a young child helped me to endure the trials I was faced with. It gave me something to hold onto.

She talks of her understand of the Savior and his perfect example of understanding our divine heritage. As his understanding grew the better prepared he was to fulfill his role as the Savior of the world. We will never be asked to suffer the way that Christ did, however our understanding of our divine nature will help us combat our trials. Heavenly Father knew of the things we would face in this life, he knew that at times we would face difficulties. We have been given tools to help us realize and understand our divine heritage.

At the age of 14 things changed and my father was able to overcome his difficulties with expressing his anger. This is one of the things I admire about him. I look to him as an example as I've learned to deal with anger in a healthy productive way. It must have been difficult for him to change, but he did and I admire him for that. Even though the abuse stopped, I continued to deal with other, more personal, difficulties in my life.

When I was 15 I started going to Seminary. Seminary was were I gained the greatest, thus far, understanding of my Savior. During my first two years in Seminary I realized the impact and role that the atonement played in my life. This knowledge helped me so much to endure my trials and bring me comfort. As I've gone throughout my life and continued to have difficult experiences I have gained a deeper understanding of how the atonement blesses me. The example of my Savior and the way he lived his life was always a comfort to me.

The scriptures teach us of other's experiences and how they used their knowledge of their divine heritage helped them to overcome challenges. There are also experiences that show us how they were able to gain that knowledge. As we read the scriptures and learn from them, we can apply the principles we learn in our own lives to gain a greater understanding of our diving heritage. The spirit will confirm to us that we are indeed children of a loving Heavenly Father. Reading the scriptures gives him a chance to loving and gently teach us of his existence and his love for us.

I never really understood the scriptures as anything but interesting stories till I was an adult. As I have prayed and studied the scriptures I have found so many different lessons in them. The Book of Mormon has become a treasure in my life. It has been the source of many answered prayers. I know that my Heavenly Father has guided and taught me as I have read the Book of Mormon. Some of my clearest answers to prayer and most amazing spiritual experiences have come from the Book of Mormon.

Prophets have been placed on the earth to teach us of our diving nature and potential. The restored gospel of Jesus Christ has given us many treasures revealed through our prophets. We have a greater understanding of the nature of God and his plan. The testimony of Joseph Smith and his experience in the Sacred Grove has brought a great understanding to me of who I am. Through the testimony of Joseph Smith as well as other prophets, we know that God lives, that he has a body of flesh and bone, that we are his spirit children, through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ and our obedience we are able to return and live with him again, along with so many other things pertaining to his nature and our relationship with him. As I understand the true nature of God, I am able to understand my relationship to him. The way that Joseph Smith endured trials I can't even imagine is a great example to me. Listening to President Hinkley's counsel during conference had always given me great peace. He was always so optomistic. He helped me to understand my divine nature as I followed his counsel. This is especially true when he challenged the membership of the church to read the Book of Mormon.

The priesthood, gives us the opportunity to receive inspired blessings where our Father in Heaven is able to give us counsel and express his love to us. Blessings reaffirm our relationship with him. I love my patriarchal blessing. It has been a great source of comfort and strength to me. As I have studied and prayed about my blessing I have received spirtual confirmation that the words that are in it are true, that they come from my Heavenly Father and the promises that are in it will come to pass.

Temples have been constructed here on earth as the house of the Lord. We perform sacred ordinances and receive divinely revealed instruction. Through these ordinances and instruction we are able to gain a greater understanding of the role we have the in our Heavenly Father's plan. I have been able to gain greater knowledge and understanding of my divine heritage while attending the temple. I have felt the love of my Father in Heaven within the walls of the temple. Great peace has come over mean, even in times of crisis. The experiences I have had while attending the temple have helped me endure trials and remember who I am as well as my potential.

Prayer gives us direct communication with our Father in Heaven. During times we forget who we are, prayer can help us to reconnect with our Heavenly Father and give him the chance to help us remember. Through experiences I had as a young child of my prayers being answered, I had the faith that if I prayed, my Father in Heaven would answer my prayer. My prayers have been answered countless times and in so many diverse ways, but they're always answered.

This post is so long. I will write later about how I have worked to remember who I am on a daily basis.

Special Witnesses

I was able to attend General Conference of the Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter Day Saints yesterday. This is the first time I've ever been. I have always wanted to go, but never had the opportunity. It was a very amazing experience for me. I loved being in the presence of the General Authorities of the church, especially the Prophet. I considered how they have dedicated so much of their lives to our Heavenly Father and to the church. I admire them.

In the last few weeks I have been thinking a lot about Special Witnesses. The First Presidency (Prophet and his counselors) and the 12 Apostles are considered Special Witnesses. These men are called and set apart to be prophets, seers and revelators. They are called to be Special Witnesses of Jesus Christ. I thought about an experience I had a few years ago. I had been going through a particularly difficult time in my life. I was struggling with personal problems as well as problems in my marriage. I had gone to the Church Distribution Center and purchased some videos and books that I felt would help me. One of the things I purchased was the movie Special Witnesses of Jesus Christ. I watched this movie with my husband. During the movie I felt the spirit very strongly. I was filled with a spiritual witness that what I was watching and what these men were saying was true. The thought came to me that many of these men had actually seen Jesus Christ. I was trying not to cry. I hate crying in the presence of anyone (even my husband). I could not contain myself and had tears rolling down my face. After the movie I remember feeling like I was going to burst because I felt so filled with the spirit. Being able to experience this with my husband and at this time brought into my life an indescribable ability to move forward. This is an experience I am very grateful for. It has strengthened my testimony and faith.

James E. Faust is one of the brethren in this movie who bares his Special Witness that Jesus is the Christ. A few weeks ago President Faust passed away. It made me reflect on his testimony. I read a few articles and talks by him that contained his testimony. I came across this one that has been particularly inspiring to me. "Elder Faust reaffirmed the testimony he had borne of the Savior before that congregation. “The Doctrine and Covenants describes the spiritual gift of knowing, ‘by the Holy Ghost … that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, and that he was crucified for the sins of the world’ (D&C 42:15). I don’t claim to have understood fully all of the principles of the gospel—there’s much I still don’t understand. But I’ve always had a testimony. It’s been easy for me to believe. I don’t claim anything for myself; it is a gift. But I feel, with a deep sense of blessing, that I can say with the brother of Jared that I know, ‘nothing doubting.’" (“News of the Church,” Ensign, Nov 1978, 95–101, 110–12)

The brother of Jared was a man told of in the Book of Mormon. He was preparing a way to go across the ocean in some vessels that he and the other's he was with had built. The vessels were enclosed on the top so that they did not let water in. This made the inside very dark. Not wanting to cross the water in the dark the brother of Jared prayed and asked how they were suppose to light the vessels. The Lord asked him "What will ye that I should do that ye may have light in your vessels? For behold, ye cannot have windows, for they will be dashed in pieces; neither shall ye take fire with you, for ye shall not go by the light of fire." (Ether 2:23) The brother of Jared then went and made 16 stones that were "molten out of a rock...and they were white and clear, even as transparent glass". He then took them to the top of a mountain. He humbled himself and recognized the power of the Lord. After doing this he asked the Lord to touch the stones and make them "shine forth in the darkness" (Ether 3:4). He asked in faith. When the Lord stretched forth his hand and touched the stones, the brother of Jared saw the finger of the Lord. "And it came to pass that when the brother of Jared had said these words, behold, the Lord stretched forth his hand and touched the stones one by one with his finger. And the veil was taken from off the eyes of the brother of Jared, and he saw the finger of the Lord; and it was as the finger of a man, like unto flesh and blood; and the brother of Jared fell down before the Lord, for he was struck with fear." (Ether 3:6) The Lord asked the brother of Jared why he fell down. The brother of Jared explained that he had seen the Lord's finger and thought that he would smite him. The brother of Jared then asked the Lord if he would show his complete self to him. The Lord did so. The Lord explained that it was because of the brother of Jared's great faith that this could be done. Now the brother of Jared had a perfect knowledge of the Christ. He knew he was real because he had seen him. He also knew that he had the appearance of a man and that this would be the same appearance he would have when he became a man of flesh and blood.

President Faust said that "I can say with the brother of Jared that I know, ‘nothing doubting.’" Does this mean that President Faust had seen Christ, like the brother of Jared, in this life? I believe that it is entirely possible. I believe that many, if not all, of the Special Witnesses have had this type of witness.

I continue to treasure and be grateful for the amazing experience I had while I watched the movie Special Witnesses of Jesus Christ. The feeling I felt will be with me always and I hope to have more experiences like this. The experience of attending conference will also be something I will treasure. I had prayed for questions and concerns about things going on in my life. Answers to those prayers were given at the session of Conference I attended. For this I am deeply grateful. Heavenly Father does answer prayers.